I actually own two coconut halves. I got thrown out of the county fair once, because of my misunderstood attempt at humor.
ME: "Come one, come all. Buy a ticket, take a ride on my invisible horse. Merely run around like your riding a horse and I'll run behind you with my nuts!!!" Fair-Goer: "That's wrong on so many levels!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! P.S., I'm not gay, although I often take social abuse for my play on words and dark sense of humor. Next week, I'm scaring the elderly by putting a rubber snake in the Retirement Home's toilet. And pretending to be a plumber, wrestle with it!!!![gets squished by the famous foot thing]
ARTHUR: We haveridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights
who will join me in my court of Camelot. I must speak with your
lord and master.
GUARD #1: What, ridden on a horse?
GUARD #1: You're using coconuts!
GUARD #1: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're
bangin' 'em together.
ARTHUR: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered
this land, through the kingdom of Mercea, through--
GUARD #1: Where'd you get the coconut?
ARTHUR: We found them.
GUARD #1: Found them? In Mercea? The coconut's tropical!
ARTHUR: What do you mean?
GUARD #1: Well, this is a temperate zone.
ARTHUR: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house
martin or the plumber may seek warmer climes in winter yet these
are not strangers to our land.
GUARD #1: Are you suggesting coconuts are migratory?
ARTHUR: Not at all, they could be carried.
GUARD #1: What -- a swallow carrying a coconut?
ARTHUR: It could grip it by the husk!
GUARD #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a
simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not
carry a 1 pound coconut.
ARTHUR: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your
master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.
GUARD #1: Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a
swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right?
GUARD #1: Am I right?
ARTHUR: I'm not interested!
GUARD #2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
GUARD #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European
swallow, that's my point.
GUARD #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that...
ARTHUR: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court
GUARD #1: But then of course African swallows are not migratory.
GUARD #2: Oh, yeah...
GUARD #1: So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway...
GUARD #2: Wait a minute -- supposing two swallows carried it
GUARD #1: No, they'd have to have it on a line.
GUARD #2: Well, simple! They'd just use a standard creeper!
GUARD #1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
GUARD #2: Well, why not?